I am not exceptionally fast. In fact you could say my times are exceptionally average. But yet I push on. Why run if I’m not always a winner? Because when I don’t run I don’t feel good. Even when I physically may be “not feeling it” getting out on the road or trail mentally clears up so many anxieties and worries.
You see I’m what the old school psychology style would call a “Type-A” personality. “In this theory, personalities that are more competitive,
outgoing*, ambitious, impatient and/or aggressive are labeled Type A, while more relaxed personalities are labeled Type B.” – Thanks, Wikipedia! *Okay that part isn’t true with me.
What does that have to do with running?! I over-do everything. And I’m a perfectionist. That leads to frustration when I can’t do everything perfect all the time. As much as I hate to admit I’m not a robot, I am sadly only human. Which leaves all this room for frustration at not being able to do everything perfect ALL THE TIME. (Is there an echo in here? It’s getting mean…)
So I run. I run until I am too tired to care about these things anymore. I used to say I was literally running away from my problems but that just sounded sad. So now I run to think, to force myself to face the feelings I am experiencing, and then to wear myself down as I realize “Hey maybe it’s gonna be okay there lil’ buddy”.
Is this all really healthy? Probably not… But it’s better than being crabby and eating junk all day. So that’s why I run.
I race to set goals like faster time or longer distance to keep myself running. It’s self competition… and some competition with my fellow races on the course, let’s be real. No race means no obtainable goal. Which means getting bored. Carrot on a stick. No armchair psychology needed for that.
So who gives a shit and why should I blog?
Firstly maybe there are others out there who need this in their lives but don’t know where to start or are too scared of putting themselves out there. So here I am putting myself out there. It’s not so bad 🙂
Second being the personality type I am I research things to death. No project just happens. I will spend hours pouring over information to decide on anything from what supplements to use, what hotels to stay at, and what races to run. I had a very difficult time finding honest reviews from people about these products and events. It seemed like a lot of race recaps were “yeah it was cool I guess” and not in depth about “were there enough cups at the water stations?”, “was it seeded properly?”, “was the start time true to form or did you honestly just spend 3 freaking hours standing around when you could have been sleeping?”. You know, those things that matter most to me. So I want to keep track of my runs past, present, and future for those exact reasons.